1am meant so much

It's not that the words don't mean as much, it's just that we've lost the time, lost that moment, or realised we're on two very different paths that will never again cross over each other. I struggle most days, to be quite honest. Priorities, I could never grasp, and will probably never. My heart and mind are always operating under separate operations. Wires must be short circuiting, or never really aligned. I'll break everything I love, repeatedly and yearn for it when it's too late.

fall asleep on a dusty mattress
broken springs distorting broken dreams
wide awake, harking back to 'those' times
when I was young and alone
you kept my company
in a neat little box
beside your bed
full of this and that
I could only talk to you
and that's still so true
but it's hard to talk
without a voice
without the heart
without my dreams
that I took away myself
so leave me alone
and let me watch you grow up
into that girl I always knew you were
I care, I do.
so much.
I'm proud, i swear
you're becoming everything
I'm not

I'll watch her walk by
and I know she won't forget
but I know she'll pretend
that it's all the same
and it's too hard to care.
I won't blame you.
Things only as clear as you make them
so don't tumble down
over the road you cannot see
it's not so smooth
but you'll get by
pushing others to to the ground
and i'll still be watching
still wishing
that our paths can meet today