Here & There

I'm poor, alone and looking to fail uni. Ignore the previous and life is pretty swell. woah.

Six months ago if I was placed in this very situation I wouldn't be stable. I think I've grown up or possibly lost touch with my emotions. I saw a girl who used to make me smile. Now I just turn around and forget. I still want, I know, but I've learnt to deal with second best. Don't make it any more complicated than it already is.

I have $10 left until the 9th of June. Impossible? All apart of living away from home, I guess.

I want to cook for a girl, make her smile and fall asleep with the dishes still dirty. At least we'll be warm and content.

Postmarks

I'm not ready to move out.
Maybe home
I read a card, I cried.
I miss my mother.
Don't we all?

Is it just me or is what I desire so far from reality...



star light
bike ride
simple words
shy kids
dead hearts
you + me

I Swear There Was More

I'm tired of believing
in what I don't have
I'm tired of trying
to make it all be
This heart won't keep
forever in my mouth.
I'm scared this is it.


I'm haunted by....ghosts, yes, a ghost. I'm not a believer, trust me. Bourke Street, chills me. Train timetables, girls, boys, bags and toys. I can see...'it' and it's making me tremble. Not tremble...just pause, and reflect. Don't follow me, don't haunt me, don't even want me. I can't help seeing you in all of this. Memories have never tasted so real. You're in everything I've ever wanted, and it's haunting me...for now. Where will you be when I scream out your name?

Set Sail

I no longer ponder my life sitting on peninsula bus services packed with a population you often wonder where it all went wrong for them...

So uh um...

I now live in Malakoff Street, St Kilda East. Two minute walk from the lesser end of Chapel, but only a two minute walk to 'cultural' jive spot where I no doubt will be leaving frostbites mind numbingly drunk and on various powdered delicacies...all shh shh.

We don't have any power, or a fridge, toaster, microwave, couch etc etc so it's all fairly grim. I may actually get some study done in this upcoming weeks. Failure is the finest form of flattery I presume.

I do live across from this guy, on the far right, though...if that helps?

5 Things You Probably Don't Know

1) I'm unsure of what I want to do in life and I'm starting my third university degree with limited success. Tomorrow's the day I wake up and start again, and again.

2) I kissed a girl for the first time at 16. I think she knew my name, but not my story.

3) I don't know how to social interact. Friends are those who have yet to let you down, for now.

4) I'm always unsure of myself. I cannot hear my voice above the crowd

5) I moved to Melbourne for a girl, not to run away from one. We all lie so well.

simple

Clementine: This is it, Joel. It's going to be gone soon.
Joel: I know.
Clementine: What do we do?
Joel: Enjoy it.

Because I have nothing else

Procrastination is probably my closest friend, I'm a sucker for a fool.

I really can't get a grasp on uni this year. It's relevant, interesting and stimulating, the parts I do read or listen to, but I presume I need my life sorted out before I can bother learning and remembering anything new. My minds racing again and it's all due to this song, rather these lyrics.

I took the car out the other night and i could've just kept going i fucking swear
100k's from home and i was so fucking free
but then i starting thinking twice and couldn't leave it all behind
sick to death of the same old things that i just can't leave behind


I'm trying to create a niche, but my hands just aren't enough, alone. There are people in this world who used to be my everything and I just don't know where it went wrong. I guess I too, want to take a car and just keep driving, and driving. I don't even know if I'd miss these things anymore. I've already been hurt, but it's my own fault. So called karma, or just revenge, prevents me from having what I really want. I'm nothing special, or so I've heard.

I should be doing uni work, but all I'm doing is trying to forget about her. I'm doing ok, but it's this lifeless afternoons that wouldn't be so lifeless if I just didn't fuck up again, and again...and again.